The last week and a half has been a complete whirlwind. It has only been by the Grace of God and the amazing love and support of our friends and family that we have gotten through everything.
As most of you know, we lost our grandpa- dad- father- in-law..etc..in a horrible farming accident last August. You can read about that here. A good 6 months, maybe longer, before my Grandpa passed away we started noticing that my Grandma was not acting her normal self. When they would come visit she would just sit on the couch and not really visit or engage in conversation, she would just sit and stare off into space. Mom also noticed that she wasn't calling as often as she normally did. Both Mom and Grandpa were really worried about her and wanted to get her into a DR but didn't know who to go with or where to start. They were also having issues getting Grandma talked into it, as she had informed them she DID NOT need to see a Dr. A couple months before Grandpa passed away, we all really started noticing a change in Grandma, she had really became distant and didn't really have much to do with any of us, very unlike her. She had also informed us she was going to quite her job at the post office. We were all shocked, as she had worked at this job for about 10 years and had loved every minute of it. We just figured she was tired of it and wanted a break but we still found it rather odd. Her last day was on a Friday and my Grandpa was killed the following Monday night.
Why we were in Colorado dealing with everything following Grandpa's death we realized just how bad Grandma had gotten. It was a shock for all of us. Mom was also pulled aside at the funeral by several friends who were around her daily. They told mom she needed to get Grandma into a Dr ASAP, that something was bad wrong. A good friend of her's that she worked with, that worked at another post office in a near by town told mom that in the past several months grandma had been calling her for help daily on how to do stuff she had done for years no problem. Not only was she calling for help on how to do stuff, she would forget in the middle of the conversation why they were on the phone and what they were doing. Joyce was really worried and so were we. Mom took her to her Dr in La Junta, Colorado. The Dr diagnosed her with severe depression. We didn't feel that was the problem, or all the problem anyway. But we decided to give the depression medicine a try. She continued to get worse, not better. She went to live with my Uncle Dewayne and Aunt Debbie end of September-first part of October and stayed with them till December. They got her into a Dr there in New Mexico.She could tell something else was wrong but didn't know what. They tried a different depression medicine and her thought was maybe a stroke as well because her left side was getting weaker and weaker. She wanted to do a cat scan/ MRI to see if we could figure out what was wrong. Grandma refused to do either one. We also thought maybe it was altimers or a type of it because she was getting really forgetful and couldn't finish her sentences or remember what she wanted to say half the time This had been going on for a good 6 to 7 months, possibly longer, and getting progressively worse with time. But Grandma was tying our hands behind our backs by refusing to a cat scan/ and or MIR.
She came to live with us again end of December- first part of January and we noticed a huge decline in her in just that short amount of time. She was getting to where she wouldn't talk at all, wouldn't really do anything but sit on the couch and watch TV all day long, something she never used to do. When we would talk to her or try to get her to engage in conversation, she would just stare at you with a blank, very confused stare. By the middle of February she had gotten to where she couldn't walk very well on her own. We got her a walker. Within a week or two after that she got where she couldn't support her own weight at all so we went to a wheelchair. We knew something was badly wrong and we wanted to get her into a Neurologist ASAP. We had one scheduled but had to cancel due to bad weather. We had another one scheduled for the first of March. At this point she couldn't do anything on her own anymore. It was full time care for mom. She couldn't walk- talk- feed her self- go to the bathroom- dress her self and she was barely feeding her self. We were hoping and praying we were going to finally be getting some answers as to what was going on.
Her Neurologist appointment was in Wichita, which is about a 4 hour drive from Garden. We went as far as Stafford the night before and stayed with our good friends Richard and Cheryl. It was good to see them and catch up a little bit. We woke up bright and early the next morning and drove the rest of the way to Wichita, which is about an hour and a half drive. We found the place no problem and made it to her appointment a few minutes early. We didn't have a very long wait and they took her back pretty quickly. They were in and out in just under 30 minutes- which I thought was rather quick. I could tell Mom wasn't pleased when they came out but could tell she didn't want to talk about it in front of Grandma. When we got home late that night, mom informed me that the neurologist took one quick look and automatically diagnosed it as severe depression. He told mom we needed to double up on the depression medicine and that would take care of all her problems. We weren't convinced in anyway that, that was the problem. We felt there was something else going on and were kinda upset he didn't run any sort of tests to rule anything else out. Mom decided to go ahead and give the double up her depression medicine a shot and see what happens. Within a couple days she had gotten much much worse, not better. Mom and I became very worried and everybody from here that was around her, knew something was bad wrong and it was NOT depression. She was getting weaker and declining by the week. Mom took her off the depression medicine and we noticed a little change. She was more alert and with it. she also got a little stronger, but still couldn't really walk. We gave it a good 3 weeks to make sure it was all out of her system. As a result she became a little depressed again. But we thought that it might help to not be drugged up. She was doing more grieving, which was good, as she had not done much of that since Grandpa's death because of putting her on depression medicine right away. We thought if it was really just severe depression and maybe a little mental ( as we had been told several weeks before) then maybe just making her talk about grandpa and face this death head one, would help her snap out of it and help clear her head. Mom made her talk about what was going through her mind and got her to have several good cry's. We noticed that after she would have a good cry,she would snap out of it a little bit and be more alert and with it, as to what was going on around her. Mom decided to give this several weeks and see if we didn't notice a huge improvement. At this point she had become so weak and unsteady that we were afraid to leave her at all. The most we ever left her for was an hour or two tops. We really wanted to do a cat scan/ MRI and not give Grandma an option. She was getting one and that was finale. We needed to know what was going on! We were tired of being tossed from Dr to Dr and being told it was just severe depression. We weren't saying that wasn't it at all... we figured she was a little depressed. Who wouldn't be after just loosing your Husband of almost 50 years. But we knew there was something else going on beside that. Mom talked to a lady at Church who's husband had gone through the same thing. They had been tossed from Dr to Dr, neurologist to neurologist who said the same thing- its depression. They knew it was NOT depression either and finally found a really good neurologist out of Denver but came to Salina once a month. He actually listened to them and actually ran some test to try to figure out what was going on. She said it was such a relief to know they weren't crazy and that something really was wrong. As this is how we were beginning to feel. We felt like we were the only ones noticing something major wrong and was beginning to question our sanity...
Mom called this neurologist and we had an appointment scheduled for May 11th. We didn't want to wait this long but we didn't know what else to do so we put it in Gods hands. Her Dr in New Mexico had her put on the high priority list, as she felt it was getting to be a life threatening thing when she heard how fast she was declining. We prayed that they would have a cancellation and we would be able to get her in much sooner then that. However, God had another plan in store for us....
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
To the dear children of Sgt Shannon Thys: My Solider, My Hero, My Daddy
They had a "send off" for Dad at our Church and our dear Preacher wrote a very touching, very tear jerking poem to us Kids. I did not make it through without tears. I told my self I was not gonna cry and thought I had it made....till he got up and read this very touching poem...
I would like to share it with all y'all.
I am probably one of the most proudest daughters of an American Solider. He is my Hero.
I would like to share it with all y'all.
To the Children of Sgt. Shannon Thys:
Thank you. Thank you for the precious gift of your daddy, I wont pretend to know the pain and void his deployment has created in your hearts. But I do know why he is willing to make this sacrifice and my hope is and prayer for you is that pride, honor and gratitude will help your aching hearts.
Your daddy loves his country. He loves her ideas and her heritage. He wants this country to afford you the same freedom he grew up with and cherishes. While the rest of us are recipients of his commitment to preserving this freedom, he does it for you,
Your daddy loves his fellow man. He wants others to be delivered from oppression and injustice. His love is proven by putting himself in harm's way to help secure what they are not able to secure for themselves. But once again, he does this for you. He set for you an example that we are indeed our brother's keeper.
You should be very thankful to have a father like this. The blood he's willing to spill on foreign soil is the same blood coursing through your body- the kind of blood that is the foundation and fabric of this great nation. When you put your hand to your heart and feel it beat, just remember that your daddy loves you so much that he never wants you to have one single heartbeat that isn't free. His love for you is the highest form of love a man can have. Your daddy is a hero- never forget that.
I am probably one of the most proudest daughters of an American Solider. He is my Hero.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Taking a step back from Technology and deeping your intimate relationship with your heavenly father~
After a lot of prayer and thought, I have decided that I'm going to take a little bit of a "media" fast till after Christmas. I'm not going to fully give up everything ( though I probably should). I'm not going to get on Facebook. I will blog very little, if any at all. I will check regular email some ( If I don't I will get way overloaded and overwhelmed) but not very often. I will limit the amount of secular music I listen too, I will still listen to some country ( I love my country music, it's part of who I am :) but not as much as I normally do.You have to be careful, I admit, but not all country is bad ;o). I'm not a huge TV fan so that's not normally a issue for me to begin with.
Though I will probably think I am dying and yes, my family has doubts on me actually carrying through with this, I'm pretty determined. I have been feeling God tugging on my heart for a while that I needed to take a step back from this addicting technology and spend more personal time with Him. I am not where I want to be spiritually nor as strong as I want/need to be. I do not have that intimate relationship with Him that I so desire to have. My prayer is that this will draw me closer to Him, and get a deeper, more personal relationship with Him.
He wants us to make Him number one in our lives and rely solely on Him for everything. We shouldn't put any worldly things before Him, no matter what it may be. Nothing should be more important then our personal walk with Him, our personal, intimate relationship with Him. My Prayer is that this fast will help me to grow closer to Him,and help me to realize that though yes, facebook is a fun way to keep up with your friends and family and something fun to do during your free time, it is something I can live without. I don't need to check it every minute I have free. I don't have to update my status every little bit. I don't have to read the latest "gossip". I don't have to post a ton of pictures every time I get some new ones. Though it is harmless fun and can be used for good, if your careful, it can also become something not so good, if you let it become more important then personal time with your heavenly Prince. As much as I hate to admit it, and am ashamed to admit it, I am about to that point. It's something I've known deep down for a while but wasn't about to actually admit it. I want nothing more to lay my life completely down for Him and let Him be in full control in every aspect of my life. I want every thought, every word I speak, every decision I make, etc be holy and pleasing to Him in every way possible.
Worldly things may seem important now but we can't take any of that with us. The only thing that should matter is getting to heaven and living both our heavenly life and earthly life with the most amazing, most loving, most romantic God we can ever imagine.
Luke 9:23- Then he said to them all; if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.
To me that verse is saying, that in order to fully follow Christ, to fully be a true follower of our heavenly Lover, we have to first "die of self" and completely become consumed of Him. He needs to be our ONLY focus, He should be the only one we worry about impressing and stealing the heart of.
Another Good one that goes along with this is:
Luke 14:33- In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.
OUCH! if you ask me. Does he really want us to give up EVERYTHING? Really? How does He expect us to live without our ipods, our cell phones, our lap-tops, our money, our friends, and anything else we seem to think we HAVE to have in order to survive? Well....He's not asking us to literally get rid of it ( unless its something really bad that shouldn't be in our lives, as a daughter/son of the King in the first place) He's just simply asking us to NOT put any of that before Him, and to realize that we could live without it. We don't really need any of this earthly-worldly stuff, all we need is Him!! We cannot find true happiness and true peace until we rid ourselves of earthly things and consume ourselves with things that are pleasing to Him, spending our every waking moment with Him and deepening our intimate relationship with Him. That should be our number one goal in life. Not worrying about the latest fashion trend, or the latest music on itunes, etc. None of that is gonna matter 20, 30, or 50 years down the road. I feel like I've been a little all over the place but I hope and pray you are getting and understanding what I'm trying to say, even if I'm failing miserably at it ;o)
With that said, I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!!! I will see you all after Christmas. I'm gonna go enjoy my Family and some much needed time with my heavenly Prince.
Though I will probably think I am dying and yes, my family has doubts on me actually carrying through with this, I'm pretty determined. I have been feeling God tugging on my heart for a while that I needed to take a step back from this addicting technology and spend more personal time with Him. I am not where I want to be spiritually nor as strong as I want/need to be. I do not have that intimate relationship with Him that I so desire to have. My prayer is that this will draw me closer to Him, and get a deeper, more personal relationship with Him.
He wants us to make Him number one in our lives and rely solely on Him for everything. We shouldn't put any worldly things before Him, no matter what it may be. Nothing should be more important then our personal walk with Him, our personal, intimate relationship with Him. My Prayer is that this fast will help me to grow closer to Him,and help me to realize that though yes, facebook is a fun way to keep up with your friends and family and something fun to do during your free time, it is something I can live without. I don't need to check it every minute I have free. I don't have to update my status every little bit. I don't have to read the latest "gossip". I don't have to post a ton of pictures every time I get some new ones. Though it is harmless fun and can be used for good, if your careful, it can also become something not so good, if you let it become more important then personal time with your heavenly Prince. As much as I hate to admit it, and am ashamed to admit it, I am about to that point. It's something I've known deep down for a while but wasn't about to actually admit it. I want nothing more to lay my life completely down for Him and let Him be in full control in every aspect of my life. I want every thought, every word I speak, every decision I make, etc be holy and pleasing to Him in every way possible.
Worldly things may seem important now but we can't take any of that with us. The only thing that should matter is getting to heaven and living both our heavenly life and earthly life with the most amazing, most loving, most romantic God we can ever imagine.
Luke 9:23- Then he said to them all; if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.
To me that verse is saying, that in order to fully follow Christ, to fully be a true follower of our heavenly Lover, we have to first "die of self" and completely become consumed of Him. He needs to be our ONLY focus, He should be the only one we worry about impressing and stealing the heart of.
Another Good one that goes along with this is:
Luke 14:33- In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.
OUCH! if you ask me. Does he really want us to give up EVERYTHING? Really? How does He expect us to live without our ipods, our cell phones, our lap-tops, our money, our friends, and anything else we seem to think we HAVE to have in order to survive? Well....He's not asking us to literally get rid of it ( unless its something really bad that shouldn't be in our lives, as a daughter/son of the King in the first place) He's just simply asking us to NOT put any of that before Him, and to realize that we could live without it. We don't really need any of this earthly-worldly stuff, all we need is Him!! We cannot find true happiness and true peace until we rid ourselves of earthly things and consume ourselves with things that are pleasing to Him, spending our every waking moment with Him and deepening our intimate relationship with Him. That should be our number one goal in life. Not worrying about the latest fashion trend, or the latest music on itunes, etc. None of that is gonna matter 20, 30, or 50 years down the road. I feel like I've been a little all over the place but I hope and pray you are getting and understanding what I'm trying to say, even if I'm failing miserably at it ;o)
With that said, I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!!! I will see you all after Christmas. I'm gonna go enjoy my Family and some much needed time with my heavenly Prince.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Holidays and Grief
This coming weekend, we are going to be going up to Los Alamo , New Mexico, to have a VERY early Thanksgiving with moms side of the family. It was really the only weekend that worked for everyone. This year seems to hold a lot of first. Due to different things that have happened over the years, this is the first time we'll get to spend Thanksgiving with my Uncle Dewayne ( moms brother) and my aunt Debbie and their nine beautiful DC in almost 8 years. This is also the first Thanksgiving ( or any major holiday for that matter) that we'll be celebrating since the tragic death of my Grandpa. Due to that, we decided to all meet at Dewayne and Debbie's this year. We had talked about all meeting out at the farm, like we have always done and having a thanksgiving out there,however, I don't think any of us are ready for that yet. There are still too many reminders, and memories out there, and the "wounds" still to fresh. So we decided that we would just meet somewhere else this year. I don't think the full reality of all this has fully set in yet. Yes, we miss him deeply, and yes, the pain is still there, but we have not had to celebrate a holiday without him...yet!! That is quickly coming and I am having very mixed feelings on it. I am both really excited to spend thanksgiving with all my cousins, but at the same time really dreading it. It will in NO way be the same without him there. He has always been the one to be in charge of things, so to speak, when it comes to Thanksgiving, Christmas...ect. He has always made it really special in his own way. Like every family, we have our favorite family traditions with each holiday and somehow it just seems wrong to go on with them like nothing ever happened. For most of us, I don't think the reality of it has fully hit yet. I have a feeling that a lot of it will this weekend though. Though I'm not sure that it will EVER fully sink in. You would think after almost 4 months it would have by now,but I don't think it has.I know with each passing month, and holiday it will get easier and the pain will get less and less, but I know for a fact that it will never be the same and there will always be a empty chair at the table, an extra piece of pumpkin pie, that should of been his ( that was his favorite), and just a empty feeling all around. Part of me wishes we could just skip thanksgiving this year and not even go there, but I know that we have to get this first Holiday behind us. I'm looking forward to spending a weekend with my Aunts and Uncles, and Cousins and all the fun and laughter that seems to happen when were all together. Though it will in no way seem the same. Yes, it will still be Thanksgiving, and it will becomes what I like to refer to as our new "normal".
Yes we will miss Grandpa beyond what words can express, and I have a feeling we'll all shed a tear or two over the next couple months during this bitter-sweet holiday season. But I know with Gods amazing love and comfort, and the amazing love, comfort, and support from our many wonderful family members and friends that might as well be family, we'll somehow get through it and maybe even enjoy it. As hard as it is, we have to come to grips with the fact life does go on. We will see Grandpa again someday soon in the far future. I know without a doubt that he is looking down on us each and everyday and hopefully with a smile on his face. As hard as it may be at times, I'm determined to stay positive and have a good, up beat attitude about it all. Being depressed all weekend isn't going to change anything so I might as well have fun and enjoy being with my wonderful extended family that I don't get to see very often. So with that said, I wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving!! Gods blessing on all of you.
I love and miss you Grandpa! You will never be forgotten!!!
Yes we will miss Grandpa beyond what words can express, and I have a feeling we'll all shed a tear or two over the next couple months during this bitter-sweet holiday season. But I know with Gods amazing love and comfort, and the amazing love, comfort, and support from our many wonderful family members and friends that might as well be family, we'll somehow get through it and maybe even enjoy it. As hard as it is, we have to come to grips with the fact life does go on. We will see Grandpa again someday soon in the far future. I know without a doubt that he is looking down on us each and everyday and hopefully with a smile on his face. As hard as it may be at times, I'm determined to stay positive and have a good, up beat attitude about it all. Being depressed all weekend isn't going to change anything so I might as well have fun and enjoy being with my wonderful extended family that I don't get to see very often. So with that said, I wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving!! Gods blessing on all of you.
I love and miss you Grandpa! You will never be forgotten!!!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
~Llife~
These last few months have been a complete blur. I'm ready for life to get back into a somewhat "normal" routine but as most of us know there really is no such thing as "normal" these days. It seems like everyone and everybody is always in a hurry or rush at one time or another. I got home from camp the end of July and literally two days later on August 2 we got the call that my grandpa ( moms dad) was killed in a farming accident. You can read about that here. We spent a crazy 2 weeks in Colorado dealing with everything there. After being gone for a week at camp and then turning around and being gone for another two weeks in Colorado and loosing Grandpa I was beyond ready to get home and have a sense of normalcy again. I came back a day before mom and the younger kids did and enjoyed some much needed time with friends. The month of August is pretty much a blur.
Grandma came back with us and stayed with us for about a week to a week and a half. She then went and saw her sister in Texas for about a week and is now staying with my Aunt and Uncle in New Mexico, the longest she's ever stayed somewhere so far. We are finally adjusting to the " new normal" I think. It's been a challenge to say the least.
I can't believe we're in the middle of September already. I'm not sure where this summer, or year for that matter, went. Most of it is a blur. We're finally getting into a good school schedule after a late start with everything that happened with and following Grandpa's death.
I just got back from getting to spend a week with my "other family" for a week. It was good to just get away for a while and enjoy some much needed time with those amazing 6 kiddo's. We really didn't do a whole lot, just enjoyed each others company. We celebrated 2 birthdays while I was there. Lora turned 8 on the 13th. and Betty had one on the 16th. We celebrated Lora's actual birthday at the State fair( dollar day). We all enjoyed that. It was a little bit of a LONG, HOT day but a really good day none the less. One of the things we did, that was probably all of ours favorite, was spend some time at the Kansas National Guard Booth. The kids got to mess around on the different tanks and stuff they had set up and do a rock climbing thing, and we just enjoyed visiting with the soldiers. The two we visited with the most had both served 2 different tours in Iraq. Yes, I am the proud daughter of a solider who has served 1 tour over there so getting to talk to other soldiers that have served ( possibly with dad) was a real honor. When they found it was Lora's birthday they gave her a replica of the National Guard NASCAR that Dale Earnhart Jr. Drove. It was pretty neat and something Lora will get to treasure for a long time. We probably spent a good 2 hours there and there was no other place we would have rather spent it.
I enjoyed my week there a whole lot and like always, it went WAY to fast and it was another tearful goodbye. Already looking forward to when I get to go again, whenever that may be.
Though it was good to be gone, I was also glad to be home. I'm still catching up on sleep and trying to get back into our "normal" routine. When someone figures out what "normal" is, let me know. We don't have anything else too major planned for a while, except my cousin Jacia's wedding the first weekend in October. We're all looking forward to that and getting to see and spend some time with some extended family we haven't gotten to see in a while. Then I may possibly get to to go to Minnesota with some really good friends and also to a Vikings game. I'm excited and hoping it all works out. We shall see.
That's pretty much all that's been going on here lately. Seems like there's never a dull moment here and always something going on. I wouldn't want it any other way though.
Here are some pictures from my trip.
Isaiah stole my sunglasses LOL
Noah on a big tractor
The kids on a tank of somesort with one of the soldiers.
Philip rock climbing
Lora giving it a shot
Isaiah, myself, Hannah and Lora with two of the soldiers.
Grandma came back with us and stayed with us for about a week to a week and a half. She then went and saw her sister in Texas for about a week and is now staying with my Aunt and Uncle in New Mexico, the longest she's ever stayed somewhere so far. We are finally adjusting to the " new normal" I think. It's been a challenge to say the least.
I can't believe we're in the middle of September already. I'm not sure where this summer, or year for that matter, went. Most of it is a blur. We're finally getting into a good school schedule after a late start with everything that happened with and following Grandpa's death.
I just got back from getting to spend a week with my "other family" for a week. It was good to just get away for a while and enjoy some much needed time with those amazing 6 kiddo's. We really didn't do a whole lot, just enjoyed each others company. We celebrated 2 birthdays while I was there. Lora turned 8 on the 13th. and Betty had one on the 16th. We celebrated Lora's actual birthday at the State fair( dollar day). We all enjoyed that. It was a little bit of a LONG, HOT day but a really good day none the less. One of the things we did, that was probably all of ours favorite, was spend some time at the Kansas National Guard Booth. The kids got to mess around on the different tanks and stuff they had set up and do a rock climbing thing, and we just enjoyed visiting with the soldiers. The two we visited with the most had both served 2 different tours in Iraq. Yes, I am the proud daughter of a solider who has served 1 tour over there so getting to talk to other soldiers that have served ( possibly with dad) was a real honor. When they found it was Lora's birthday they gave her a replica of the National Guard NASCAR that Dale Earnhart Jr. Drove. It was pretty neat and something Lora will get to treasure for a long time. We probably spent a good 2 hours there and there was no other place we would have rather spent it.
I enjoyed my week there a whole lot and like always, it went WAY to fast and it was another tearful goodbye. Already looking forward to when I get to go again, whenever that may be.
Though it was good to be gone, I was also glad to be home. I'm still catching up on sleep and trying to get back into our "normal" routine. When someone figures out what "normal" is, let me know. We don't have anything else too major planned for a while, except my cousin Jacia's wedding the first weekend in October. We're all looking forward to that and getting to see and spend some time with some extended family we haven't gotten to see in a while. Then I may possibly get to to go to Minnesota with some really good friends and also to a Vikings game. I'm excited and hoping it all works out. We shall see.
That's pretty much all that's been going on here lately. Seems like there's never a dull moment here and always something going on. I wouldn't want it any other way though.
Here are some pictures from my trip.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
In loving memory of My grandpa!
One thing I've learned in the last 2 and a half weeks is that no matter how tightly you cling to someone or something, it doesn't make it yours.
On August 2, 2010. We got the nightmare call around 12:45 AM that my Grandpa ( who I'm really close too) was killed in a farming accident. It came as a total shock. None of us were prepared for it. We don't really know what happened, just that he was out working on equipment ( something he's done for years) and when we went to start up the tractor, it was in 3rd gear ( something he's never done before) He somehow got pinned between the tractor and the pickup ( were assuming that he must of tried to get to the pickup and didn't make it). He was gone before anyone knew something was wrong.
I had just drifted off to sleep and was maybe asleep an hour before I heard moms phone ring. My heart instantly went to my throat, the phone doesn't just ring at 1245 AM for no reason. I knew before mom got off the phone that something wasn't right. I couldn't tell at first who she was on the phone with but I knew one thing, she was UPSET!!! I at this point was in tears my self...though I didn't know why yet. I had to know but couldn't make my self get up to ask.. I knew I had to know but was scared to know. I didn't have to ask. I heard mom say that we'd be on our way as soon as she got everyone up and around, I was in full panic at this point. I didn't know what was going but I knew it wasn't good if she was going to wake the entire household up. I heard mom attempt to tell dad what was going on through the tears. I completely lost it at first, then I went numb with shock. Finally around 3 or so we had managed to get packed and ready to go. we didn't know how long we'd be gone at this point, or what we would find when we got there. We just knew we needed to Grandma QUICK!.
My other Grandparents had already heard. My aunt asked them to go stay with my Grandma till one of us could get there. They left shortly after we got to my Grandma's around 5 ( Kansas time). They had been there since 1 ( Colorado time) and was utterly exhausted. We didn't know what to do at first. None of us had any sleep ( unless you include that 1 hour). Mom kept trying to get me to go lay down but I knew there was NO way I going to be able to sleep. I was too upset and my stomach was in knots. Finally around 6:30, 7:00 ( Kansas time) I decided to go ahead and at least lay down for a little bit and ended up falling into a restless sleep for about an hour or so.
Everything from here on out is a complete blur. Family started to arrive later that afternoon. My moms sister and her DC were the first to show up. Then her Brother and one of their DC got there around 2 or so (Colorado time). My Aunt and the rest of there DC showed up sometime that evening. It was a very emotional greeting and reunion to say the least. None of us knew quite what to say, I don't think.
More family showed up throughout the week and we finally had everyone together Friday morning.
We were all at a loss on where to start at first. The Food, Friends, Phone calls, and everything else started to pour in. We had a houseful of Friends from the morning after it happened till we came back home. That is one AMAZING community. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE loved my Grandpa.
Michael was finally able to fly into Colorado springs on Wednesday! My Dads parents, Dad and my self went and got him.
Because some of Grandpa's family lives in Canada we didn't want to have the funeral too early to give them time to get here. My Mom, Uncle Dewayne, Aunt Kimila, and my Grandma went and talked to the funeral director to start making funeral arrangements.They decided to have the funeral on Friday in Kim Colorado, which is about 30 miles from my Grandma's house. We were new to the whole funeral planning process ( not exactly something you want to be good at) so it was a learning process for all of us, and a stressful one at that. Friends were more then willing to step up and take care of whatever we needed so they were a HUGE help in the whole thing. We couldn't of done it without them. It was pretty much on my Mom, Aunt and, Uncle because ( as expected) my Grandma was still in huge shock and not at all thinking clearly enough to help out much. They got her input as much as they could.
I was still in complete shocked and still hadn't processed this whole thing. I wanted desperately to talk to one of my really good friends but the signal out there is horrible. I had to end up texting her the news ( something I didn't want to do) but luckily we did get enough signal to text back and fourth and finally picked up enough signal to talk on the phone some. Just being able to hear her voice helped a lot!, to have a reassuring voice and just someone to talk to and cry to and someone to tell me that everything will be OK eventually!.
The few days before the funeral, like I said before, was a complete blur with funeral arrangements, family coming in. spending time with friends and family and just trying to survive and get through each and everyday.
Having a houseful of friends and family helped keep me distracted and my mind off of it. I also welcomed some alone time in there too. I didn't really feel like being with anyone or talking to anyone, but it was for the better. Wed evening I got the pleasant surprise from a friend saying that they were coming to the funeral. I was in utter shock. I didn't know what to say. I realized over the course of these past 3 weeks just how amazing my friends are. Having her there meant a lot to me. Just having someone you can lean on and know they're there for you no matter what, really helps. Helps make a very difficult time a whole lot easier. I know there were several more close friends that wanted to be there but couldn't due to certain reasons.,..just knowing they wanted to be there meant a LOT!. The funeral is somewhat of a blur....don't really remember a whole lot about it. My uncle made this really really neat video of all of us 17 Grand-Kids telling about our favorite memory and what we loved most about our grandpa....that was really hard to record when we were doing it, but totally worth it in the end. I'm hoping to attach it to this post! We're hoping to eventually put together a slide show as well, we ran out of time and wasn't able to get it done.
Loosing someone you love is never easy. The only thing that gets you through is knowing that it isn't goodbye...its more like a see ya later. We're all on this journey and they just got to go a little sooner. I had 17 wonderful years with my Grandpa and I will cherish those precious times and cling to those wonderful memories for ever. It's one of the only things getting me through. That and the amazing friends and family that have surrounded me with love and support though the whole thing and have continued to do so.
One thing I was told in the early beginning was that I would experience every emotion possible and boy is that true. I've felt everything from the horrible extreme sadness, to feeling really angry and confused, to feeling at peace and OK with things and then you just become numb, you almost get to the point you don't want to feel any emotion anymore, and then back to being overwhelmed with sadness and everything in between. I've cried to the point of literally not having any more tears in me. Everybody handles grief differently, no two people handle it the same way. That's one thing I've really noticed through this whole thing.
Another thing I was warned about was that it'd get harder, not easier as time went on. I've found that to be somewhat true. Yes its been hard since the beginning but I had the distraction of family and friends being around and surrounding you and you never really having time to think about it or give it much thought. Your busy with getting funeral arrangements done. letting everyone know whats going on and so on. It's when you get home and your not completely surrounded by someone at all times that it tends to really hit you hard...least that's what I'm finding!! And I know that I am NO where near through the worst...I think the worst is yet to come. I'm not sure its completely sunk in yet, I'm still in denial and shock I think.
It is by Gods grace and comfort and the wonderful prayers we've been lifted up in that's given us the strength to go on and get through each and everyday. Grief is a horrible thing but it's a very important step. God made us to grieve for a reason. If someone you know is grieving, let them. It's important.
I came home the following Thursday after the funeral, Mom brought Grandma and the younger 2 kids home that Friday. It felt really good to be home and away from everything! It was all I could do to be out at the farm for those two weeks that we were there...way to many reminders and memories everywhere. Though I know that yeah, the memories are painful now, but I'm going to be very thankful for all those wonderful memories I have and am going to have them to cling to when things get hard.
Grandma stayed with us about a week and a half or so then decided she wanted to go visit her sister in Texas. So mom and her left Monday and went to the farm first then on to Texas. It was a stressful couple days having Mom gone but we survived! She got back Wednesday and it's been great having her back home. We're all trying to adjust to our new "normal" . We're asking God to show us what our next step needs to be, in the way of what grandma needs to do. We know she cant live by her self right now but we're lost on where and what she's supposed to do. But God has a plan and will show it to us in his timing.
Things have been a complete blur since the accident and am sorry if this is not all making since. I'm doing my best to get it all out but words just aren't coming.
On Friday August 6, 2010. We buried my Grandpa in Kim, Colorado. Right next to his parents (my great grandparents) and I will never be the same.
On August 2, 2010. We got the nightmare call around 12:45 AM that my Grandpa ( who I'm really close too) was killed in a farming accident. It came as a total shock. None of us were prepared for it. We don't really know what happened, just that he was out working on equipment ( something he's done for years) and when we went to start up the tractor, it was in 3rd gear ( something he's never done before) He somehow got pinned between the tractor and the pickup ( were assuming that he must of tried to get to the pickup and didn't make it). He was gone before anyone knew something was wrong.
I had just drifted off to sleep and was maybe asleep an hour before I heard moms phone ring. My heart instantly went to my throat, the phone doesn't just ring at 1245 AM for no reason. I knew before mom got off the phone that something wasn't right. I couldn't tell at first who she was on the phone with but I knew one thing, she was UPSET!!! I at this point was in tears my self...though I didn't know why yet. I had to know but couldn't make my self get up to ask.. I knew I had to know but was scared to know. I didn't have to ask. I heard mom say that we'd be on our way as soon as she got everyone up and around, I was in full panic at this point. I didn't know what was going but I knew it wasn't good if she was going to wake the entire household up. I heard mom attempt to tell dad what was going on through the tears. I completely lost it at first, then I went numb with shock. Finally around 3 or so we had managed to get packed and ready to go. we didn't know how long we'd be gone at this point, or what we would find when we got there. We just knew we needed to Grandma QUICK!.
My other Grandparents had already heard. My aunt asked them to go stay with my Grandma till one of us could get there. They left shortly after we got to my Grandma's around 5 ( Kansas time). They had been there since 1 ( Colorado time) and was utterly exhausted. We didn't know what to do at first. None of us had any sleep ( unless you include that 1 hour). Mom kept trying to get me to go lay down but I knew there was NO way I going to be able to sleep. I was too upset and my stomach was in knots. Finally around 6:30, 7:00 ( Kansas time) I decided to go ahead and at least lay down for a little bit and ended up falling into a restless sleep for about an hour or so.
Everything from here on out is a complete blur. Family started to arrive later that afternoon. My moms sister and her DC were the first to show up. Then her Brother and one of their DC got there around 2 or so (Colorado time). My Aunt and the rest of there DC showed up sometime that evening. It was a very emotional greeting and reunion to say the least. None of us knew quite what to say, I don't think.
More family showed up throughout the week and we finally had everyone together Friday morning.
We were all at a loss on where to start at first. The Food, Friends, Phone calls, and everything else started to pour in. We had a houseful of Friends from the morning after it happened till we came back home. That is one AMAZING community. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE loved my Grandpa.
Michael was finally able to fly into Colorado springs on Wednesday! My Dads parents, Dad and my self went and got him.
Because some of Grandpa's family lives in Canada we didn't want to have the funeral too early to give them time to get here. My Mom, Uncle Dewayne, Aunt Kimila, and my Grandma went and talked to the funeral director to start making funeral arrangements.They decided to have the funeral on Friday in Kim Colorado, which is about 30 miles from my Grandma's house. We were new to the whole funeral planning process ( not exactly something you want to be good at) so it was a learning process for all of us, and a stressful one at that. Friends were more then willing to step up and take care of whatever we needed so they were a HUGE help in the whole thing. We couldn't of done it without them. It was pretty much on my Mom, Aunt and, Uncle because ( as expected) my Grandma was still in huge shock and not at all thinking clearly enough to help out much. They got her input as much as they could.
I was still in complete shocked and still hadn't processed this whole thing. I wanted desperately to talk to one of my really good friends but the signal out there is horrible. I had to end up texting her the news ( something I didn't want to do) but luckily we did get enough signal to text back and fourth and finally picked up enough signal to talk on the phone some. Just being able to hear her voice helped a lot!, to have a reassuring voice and just someone to talk to and cry to and someone to tell me that everything will be OK eventually!.
The few days before the funeral, like I said before, was a complete blur with funeral arrangements, family coming in. spending time with friends and family and just trying to survive and get through each and everyday.
Having a houseful of friends and family helped keep me distracted and my mind off of it. I also welcomed some alone time in there too. I didn't really feel like being with anyone or talking to anyone, but it was for the better. Wed evening I got the pleasant surprise from a friend saying that they were coming to the funeral. I was in utter shock. I didn't know what to say. I realized over the course of these past 3 weeks just how amazing my friends are. Having her there meant a lot to me. Just having someone you can lean on and know they're there for you no matter what, really helps. Helps make a very difficult time a whole lot easier. I know there were several more close friends that wanted to be there but couldn't due to certain reasons.,..just knowing they wanted to be there meant a LOT!. The funeral is somewhat of a blur....don't really remember a whole lot about it. My uncle made this really really neat video of all of us 17 Grand-Kids telling about our favorite memory and what we loved most about our grandpa....that was really hard to record when we were doing it, but totally worth it in the end. I'm hoping to attach it to this post! We're hoping to eventually put together a slide show as well, we ran out of time and wasn't able to get it done.
Loosing someone you love is never easy. The only thing that gets you through is knowing that it isn't goodbye...its more like a see ya later. We're all on this journey and they just got to go a little sooner. I had 17 wonderful years with my Grandpa and I will cherish those precious times and cling to those wonderful memories for ever. It's one of the only things getting me through. That and the amazing friends and family that have surrounded me with love and support though the whole thing and have continued to do so.
One thing I was told in the early beginning was that I would experience every emotion possible and boy is that true. I've felt everything from the horrible extreme sadness, to feeling really angry and confused, to feeling at peace and OK with things and then you just become numb, you almost get to the point you don't want to feel any emotion anymore, and then back to being overwhelmed with sadness and everything in between. I've cried to the point of literally not having any more tears in me. Everybody handles grief differently, no two people handle it the same way. That's one thing I've really noticed through this whole thing.
Another thing I was warned about was that it'd get harder, not easier as time went on. I've found that to be somewhat true. Yes its been hard since the beginning but I had the distraction of family and friends being around and surrounding you and you never really having time to think about it or give it much thought. Your busy with getting funeral arrangements done. letting everyone know whats going on and so on. It's when you get home and your not completely surrounded by someone at all times that it tends to really hit you hard...least that's what I'm finding!! And I know that I am NO where near through the worst...I think the worst is yet to come. I'm not sure its completely sunk in yet, I'm still in denial and shock I think.
It is by Gods grace and comfort and the wonderful prayers we've been lifted up in that's given us the strength to go on and get through each and everyday. Grief is a horrible thing but it's a very important step. God made us to grieve for a reason. If someone you know is grieving, let them. It's important.
I came home the following Thursday after the funeral, Mom brought Grandma and the younger 2 kids home that Friday. It felt really good to be home and away from everything! It was all I could do to be out at the farm for those two weeks that we were there...way to many reminders and memories everywhere. Though I know that yeah, the memories are painful now, but I'm going to be very thankful for all those wonderful memories I have and am going to have them to cling to when things get hard.
Grandma stayed with us about a week and a half or so then decided she wanted to go visit her sister in Texas. So mom and her left Monday and went to the farm first then on to Texas. It was a stressful couple days having Mom gone but we survived! She got back Wednesday and it's been great having her back home. We're all trying to adjust to our new "normal" . We're asking God to show us what our next step needs to be, in the way of what grandma needs to do. We know she cant live by her self right now but we're lost on where and what she's supposed to do. But God has a plan and will show it to us in his timing.
Things have been a complete blur since the accident and am sorry if this is not all making since. I'm doing my best to get it all out but words just aren't coming.
On Friday August 6, 2010. We buried my Grandpa in Kim, Colorado. Right next to his parents (my great grandparents) and I will never be the same.
~ Leroy~
Sadness surrounds us as our loss settles in,
memories made through the years with our neighbors and
friends.No one knows what may happen,we are here day by day,
we'll all be called on at some point, that's what the good
book does say.
Leroy understood this and lived his life just that
way,his Lord, and his family came first everyday.
a king man,a generous man, with compassion for all.
quiet and unassuming he stood very tall.
helping others seemed to help him so,
doing the hard work that some might let go.
Farming was his business and each one could see,
the long hours put in and nothing comes free.
Sometimes a good crop and sometimes not so,
but knowing what must be done he stayed on the go.
A good crop brought a smile, but hard times did too.
He understood life and lived it right through.
Leroy's gone upward where a crop is always made,
perhaps now he has time to rest in the shade.
The hurting we feel can be eased with a peace of mind,
this good man is being rewarded for being so kind.
Can't you just see it, St Peter will say
"come on in Leroy, you're a good who"s never been
rowdy"
Leroy will step up, and smile and say "howdy, Howdy"
memories made through the years with our neighbors and
friends.No one knows what may happen,we are here day by day,
we'll all be called on at some point, that's what the good
book does say.
Leroy understood this and lived his life just that
way,his Lord, and his family came first everyday.
a king man,a generous man, with compassion for all.
quiet and unassuming he stood very tall.
helping others seemed to help him so,
doing the hard work that some might let go.
Farming was his business and each one could see,
the long hours put in and nothing comes free.
Sometimes a good crop and sometimes not so,
but knowing what must be done he stayed on the go.
A good crop brought a smile, but hard times did too.
He understood life and lived it right through.
Leroy's gone upward where a crop is always made,
perhaps now he has time to rest in the shade.
The hurting we feel can be eased with a peace of mind,
this good man is being rewarded for being so kind.
Can't you just see it, St Peter will say
"come on in Leroy, you're a good who"s never been
rowdy"
Leroy will step up, and smile and say "howdy, Howdy"
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