Holidays and Grief

This coming weekend, we are going to be going up to Los Alamo ,  New Mexico, to have a VERY early Thanksgiving with moms side of the family. It was really the only weekend that worked for everyone. This year seems to hold a lot of first.  Due to different things that have happened over the years, this is the first time we'll get to spend Thanksgiving with my Uncle Dewayne ( moms brother) and my aunt Debbie and their nine beautiful DC in almost 8 years. This is also the first Thanksgiving ( or any major holiday for that matter) that we'll be celebrating since the tragic death of my Grandpa. Due to that, we decided to all meet at Dewayne and Debbie's this year. We had talked about all meeting out at the farm, like we have always done and having a thanksgiving out there,however, I don't think any of us are ready for that yet. There are still too many reminders, and memories out there, and the "wounds" still to fresh. So we decided that we would just meet somewhere else this year. I don't think the full reality of all this has fully set in yet. Yes, we miss him deeply, and yes, the pain is still there, but we have not had to  celebrate a holiday without him...yet!! That is quickly coming and I am having very mixed feelings on it. I am both really excited to spend thanksgiving with all my cousins, but at the same time really dreading it. It will in NO way  be the same without him there. He has always been the one to be in charge of things, so to speak, when it comes to Thanksgiving, Christmas...ect. He has always made it really special in his own way. Like every family, we have our favorite family traditions with each holiday and somehow it just seems wrong to go on with them like nothing ever happened.  For most of us, I don't think the reality of it has fully hit yet. I have a feeling that a lot of it will this weekend though. Though I'm not sure that it will EVER fully sink in. You would think after almost 4 months it would have by now,but I don't think it has.I know with each passing month, and holiday it will get easier and the pain will get less and less, but I know for a fact that it will never be the same and there will always be a empty chair at the table, an extra piece of pumpkin pie, that should of been his ( that was his favorite), and just a empty feeling all around. Part of me wishes we could just skip thanksgiving this year and not even go there, but I know that we have to get this first Holiday behind us. I'm looking forward to spending a weekend with my Aunts and Uncles, and Cousins and all the fun and laughter that seems to happen when were all together. Though it will in no way seem the same. Yes, it will still be Thanksgiving, and it will becomes what I like to refer to as our new "normal".
Yes we will miss Grandpa beyond what words can express, and I have a feeling we'll all shed a tear or two over the next couple months during this bitter-sweet holiday season. But I know with Gods amazing love and comfort, and the amazing love, comfort, and support from our many wonderful family members and friends that might as well be family, we'll somehow get through it and maybe even enjoy it. As hard as it is, we have to come to grips with the fact life does go on.  We will see Grandpa again someday soon in the far future. I know without a doubt that he is looking down on us each and everyday and hopefully with a smile on his face. As hard as it may be at times, I'm determined to stay positive and have a good, up beat attitude about it all. Being depressed all weekend isn't going to change anything so I might as well have fun and enjoy being with my wonderful extended family that I don't get to see very often. So with that said, I wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving!! Gods blessing on all of you.

I love and miss you Grandpa! You will never be forgotten!!!